I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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