I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
