everyone is single if you try hard enough
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
