I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
