So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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