'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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