I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Randomize
