I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
