3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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