Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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