Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
