Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
