Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize