I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
