you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
