I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
