you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Randomize