it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
