You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Randomize
