Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Randomize
