Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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