I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
