If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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