I'm going to jail i love you
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize