Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Alive.
So much puke
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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