put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
