I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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