the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize