the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
