How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
