I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
