Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
