i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
