The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
