is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
