That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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