No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
