I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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