Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
