My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
