Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
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