they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
