He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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