Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
