There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize