then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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