It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
