if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
