Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
