I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
