i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize