I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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