Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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