I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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