hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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