I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
