It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize