Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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