I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
