..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
4 words: hood of his car
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
