I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
