This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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