You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
