I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
