I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
