he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
