what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
