I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
