I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
