I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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