omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
