A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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