Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
