Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
