My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
