I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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