You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
