you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
