Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
