Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
