I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
he fucked my hip out of place.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
