i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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