I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Randomize
