false alarm. still invincible.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
