Four minutes until I can fart!
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Found your dick twin last night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
