Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
