What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
