overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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