btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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