maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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