I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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