You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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