my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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