I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
