Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
